Saturday, 7 April 2012


They are all on their guard on April Fool’s Day. They don’t know that pranks can be pulled any day of the year…

So I did the old “hold a (plastic!) cup against the ceiling with a broom”; except I popped a bit of string in the cup instead of water. I called down Thing Two – I’ve caught a spider, will you just hold this while I deal with it?”

So she holds the broom handle which is holding the cup against the ceiling. I walk away. She mostly realises that I’ve just pulled a fast one, but a little bit unsure about the possibility of a spider so she giggles nervously, looking up and not letting go. Eventually, obviously, she moves, the cup falls, the string falls out onto her head, Thing Two shrieks…. all is well with the world, right?

The Babe SCREAMS and runs out of the room quicker than lightning. She is halfway up the stairs shrieking about tarantulas. She is hysterical, tears are pouring, fear is written all over her tiny face. And I… I am laughing like a jackass, too curled up to be a parent and calm my child who is shaking her head at me, mouthing the words “I can’t go in there….”

Two for one, zing!

I am a bad, bad mother….

Thursday, 5 April 2012

Puppy plus

The puppy is now about 18 months old, and he has failed MANY an IQ test. Even putting a cushion over a biscuit is enough to flummox him. He thinks my bed eats me every night so he attacks the duvet to protect me. So when we saw that Shih Tzus were among the thickest dogs on the planet, we weren’t surprised.

So obviously we had to test this, right? The Babe got every single tin, can and jar out of the cupboard and set up a square. I popped the dog in, and he looked at me. And stepped out.

“No! Put him back until he gets it RIGHT!” Says Babe.

Uh, he just did…?

So I put him back. He waits until she isn’t looking and pops out with a long suffering sigh. This just won’t do. So Babe gets in the square.

“Come on Mummy, put some toys outside for me.” she says, demonstrating the correct way to fail the test.

I think she may be part shih tzu…