Thursday, 20 October 2011


I am such a sloth. It’s incredibly embarrassing to admit, but housework and I are not on speaking terms. I’m the kind of person who can sweep a room with a glance and call it done. I think of “dust” as a noun, not a verb – in fact I adopt dust bunnies. I also hoard. These two in combination is not pretty.

However, in aid of Eve’s fund, I was forced to enter cupboards of doom yesterday. Cupboards that have been wedged closed and not opened in a decade. Cupboards I had to fight through sixteen boxes of stuff to get to. Boxes of stuff that eventually made me throw my hands up and exclaim heresy for. Heresy such as “WHO needs THIS many books????”.

I know I’ve mentioned the books on here before. Suffice to say that was several years ago; several years in which I have not disposed of a single book and have actually bought many, many, many more. Seriously… I estimated there are 5000 books in my bedroom alone. Yes, I checked the zeroes in that sentence. No I didn’t add an extra one.

However, I have decluttered now, and I have found loads of stuff that we will be selling at a car boot sale on Sunday. Weirdly enough, there isn’t a single book in there. Funny how that worked out. I tried, but they all whimpered and wanted a cuddle just at the thought of leaving home. I do, however, have a huge pile of “to be read” books, so it was worth it, eh?

(This started out as a diatribe against my houseworking skills and ended up being distracted by books. Pretty much as my housekeeping actually happened yesterday. Art imitating life and all that.)

Eve’s fund is on my blog, up on the right. Cheers, my lovelies!

Saturday, 15 October 2011

Eve’s Fairy Tale

Dawn is one of Babe’s best friends; she and Flower are in the same class at school (a year ahead of Babe because of the September split) and the three of them have a lot of fun together. I love bringing Babe into the playground every morning and hearing Dawn and Flower yell “Babe!” and they all hug and kiss each other and go off to play. After school, Flower and Dawn wait for Babe after class and they go haring off to play chase while we mums smile indulgently at them. Sometimes Flower and Babe run too fast for Dawn and they get told off; sometimes Dawn runs them down and she gets told off because she can really hurt them if her wheels go over their toes. Oh, did I forget that bit? Dawn uses a wheelchair.

I have used related pseudonyms all the way through my blog, so “Dawn” is really Eve. Eve has spina bifida and hydrocephalus. She is the happiest and most loving child you can imagine, although she has her moments – her body may be a bit battered but her mind is as sharp as a tack! She’s an incorrigible flirt and will bat her lashes at any man and pretend helplessness in order to get a carry and a cuddle. She’s pretty cool, actually.

eve 3 elm

This is Eve this summer at her aunt’s wedding and with Flower and Babe on Babe’s first day of school. She’s gorgeous, right?

She’s had so many operations and scans and needles and medical intervention her whole life that she can smell “hospital” on people now, which is pretty impressive.

Eve was at the hospital on Thursday and she needs more surgery. She needs to have her hip pinned because it is dislocated permanently. She needs to have both her feet in casts to try and pull them into shape. She needs botox in her feet. She has a lesion in her femur where her bones are becoming fibrous, which will lead to bone thinning, breakage, osteoporosis and all sorts of issues. And she’s only five.

There’s a way to slow down that bone thinning, you know. If she got a special bike she could exercise her legs in a safe way; school would dearly love her to get this bike, and the doctors say she needs it. Neither of them can pay for it and it costs over a thousand pounds. That’s really not a massive amount of money – if all of you reading this gave a pound, we’d be able to raise that easily. Over there, on your right at the top, there’s a button to donate to Eve’s exercise fund. If you wanted to, no pressure :)

Friday, 14 October 2011

This is not a panic post

So as you might have gathered from the oh-so casual use of the word “school” yesterday… where Babe is already failing tests, natch… Babe started school. Proper big school. Big School, peeps! And I’m all blasé, because it’s, like, school, meh, I’ve already seen a few kids through school, it ain’t no biggie, right?

Thing Two also started new BIG school this term. Big, like senior school. As I said, big school, not a big deal. Been there, done that, I got a kid already did that.

Thing One started her exam years at school, the proper big exams stage. No big deal, really. I’m cool, I’m laid back, I’m mellow, guys.

Thing One, y’know, she’ll be leaving school after her exams. Taking a driving test. Getting a job. Going to uni. Leaving home.

It’s okay.

I’ll just sit here in my corner, rocking, with my thumb in my mouth.

(School. How on earth is Babe at school? And how on earth is Thing Two at senior school? And how on earth am I talking about Thing One leaving school?)

Thursday, 13 October 2011


None of my kids have ever passed a hearing test. In fact, Babe failed one yesterday at school. We got A Letter About It. I'm pretty sure in my kids' cases it is because they are so damned ignorant laid back. The letter even said it may be a concentration fail. May??

I blame their father who also has selective hearing failure, but that’s usually a male gene. At least, it’s generally men who display it, right? But for some reason my entirely female offspring also display amazingly high skills at not hearing the words “bedtime”, “tidy up” “can you (do xyz)” and in fact anything with the words “no” or “stop”.

Thing One is going through a stage – please God, just a stage – of “emo-ism”. That’s Goth with Emotions to us oldies. She draws lovely images of blood dripping corpses and talks about death casually and dismissively. She has headphones permanently attached to her head while she listens to songs scream about angst and pain and whatever. I Do Not Like This in front of the Babe, who is impressionable and I frequently… daily… ask her to give it a rest. She is a typical know-it-all teenager though and dismisses my concerns.

Yesterday, Babe came home with a painting just for her big sister. It had the typical line of blue at the top and green at the bottom for the grass and sky. It had a grey blob and lots of red blobs. “That’s the rock and this is the blood where it killed someone.” Babe explains.

Thing One looks at me in horror, caught between laughter and remorse. “I am so sorry I did this to her!” she says.

Should have bloody listened to me, kiddo. Now I get to pay for counselling for the 30 kids in Babe’s class who saw this and it’s coming out of your pocket money!

“Eh?” she says, moving her earphones back into position with a grin.