I thought I had this awful detention place sorted, I thought I had the staff here trained. Things like, for example, they give me a circus-type clown performance if I give them the command – the command for the clowns is “piddle on floor” and then they fall over themselves, making loud noises and baring their teeth. It’s very amusing, and they seem to enjoy it, so I do it frequently for them, bless them.
I’ve even got the kibble coming several times a day now, and I have reached so-far… which is a comfy place to sleep and not a command centre as I initially thought.
They did keep on trying to put that “lead” on my shackles, but I have worked out that I can leave the prison with the lead on and we go to an all-you-can-eat restaurant, which is great. They call it the “park” and they don’t actually let me eat the buffet there so I have to sneak it while they aren’t looking. Conkers, yummy…. Then they grab me, pin me down and wrestle me and put their fingers in my mouth. This seems to be another clown performance, so again I encourage it by grabbing at any passing rubbish to nom nom nom on.
However. They surpassed themselves in evil genius this week. I’m not sure I can forgive them. I was taken – shackled and on the lead – to a new torture place with lots of other prisoners. I got into hot water there. Actual, for real hot water. Ugh. I wriggled and tried to escape but they put slippery-stuff on me so I couldn’t get out and splashed that water around until the slippery stuff was gone. Which makes no sense but who can fathom these weird humans? Then... I can hardly tell you. Then… they took a machine and passed it over my body and… and… when I looked… sorry, this is making me very emotional. When I looked… my fur… my fur was just GONE. Not all gone, luckily, I wasn’t left naked. But it was SHORT. How am I supposed to get the mud from the buffet place attached to me (for snacking on later) now??? What a very cruel and unusual punishment this is.