Friday, 13 March 2009

Mean, funny, mean

I fell out with Thing One again. She's stroppy and selfish and I'm mean and horrible and I only gave her life to ruin it and she hopes I am happy now. Yeah I know you've heard that before. Believe me, so have I. MANY times.

Mum antenna at work: "Mum, I hate Miss at school, she is always picking on me, asking me questions to catch me out!". Mum antenna... zooms in on pertinent part of that sentence. "She's trying to catch you out? So she thinks you aren't listening? So you are doing something in class to show you're not listening... Why are you talking in class??!" And that's how I show how mean I am, taking "Miss's" side and not listening to what Thing One considers important. "She's picking on me". My logic - "if you weren't talking, she wouldn't pick on you" is brushed aside as irrelevant. Oh to be twelve and omniscient again.

The Babe and her best friend Flower (God I am so original in my pseudonyms) have had us in stitches this week. Yesterday they crept off quietly and dolled themselves up in bracelets, high heeled shoes, wings, and grown-up skirts then came staggering in to surprise us. "Cheese me, Mummy" demanded Flower. Her mother quirked her eyebrow at me. "She wants you to take a photograph." I translated. And all today I've been saying "Cheese me, Mummy!" I think it's become my new slogan.

When Flower is naughty her mother gives her two choices, do Thing A or Thing B will be done to you. It's very cute "Alright Mummy," Flower sighs. The Babe refused to put her coat on today. Flower wagged her finger. "Choices, Babe. One, Two!" I collapsed in giggles which undermined Flower's authority "Oh, Mydonna. Not learn." (Mydonna. Heh.)

Thing Two came out of school today with not one, not two but THREE commendations. Woohoo! Which doesn't take away the fact that she kicked a boy in the goolies! Poor boy. I marched her over to apologise to his mother, which - to give her credit - she did, but she was in tears while she did it. So was the boy. Ouch. As we walked away she sent me a baleful look from under her lashes. A look which said I am ruining her life. Wait. Isn't that where we came in?

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