Thursday, 5 February 2009

Gadget King

What is it with men and gadgets?? Last night Himself started burbling about some insanely wonderful kettle that can boil water in three seconds. I have no idea why. Posh did force me to ask him why he wanted such a kettle - I begged her not to make me, because "it'll turn into some 10 minute discussion on pros and cons and blah snore zzzzz" but she persisted. Sigh. 

All I heard was: "At work.. blah... too much time in tea room... blah blah.. more productive... " and then I stopped listening. In fact I had to hold my breath in case he took an inhale as a sign of excited interest and continued talking. 

I know perfectly well that he was the one who wanted to play with the e-Reader he bought me for Christmas, and he's always the first to break the seal on any new 'phone we get. He won't read the instructions, oh no. He'll just press the buttons, because.. well.. he's a man. He just knows, doesn't he? (I thought it was hilarious when the Sky TV installer literally begged him to at least read the Quick Guide because for some reason if he installs when a man is home he invariably gets called back within days to fix things). (No, of course Himself didn't read the Quick Guide). Any new gadget going and Himself has to be there, he has to have one. He's worse than any kid.

Actually I can cope with him buying gadgets. It's using the blessed things that gets me. Why do you use the sat nav? It's invariably wrong, when it is right you ignore it and it has a really annoying voice. All of them. Just pull over and ask directions for God's sake. We're lost and I need to pee. (I do quite fancy being the voice for a Sat Nav actually. "Turn right. I said right. Why didn't you listen! Now you're lost, you plonker, and I'll have to fix it...". Much better than "In 100 yards, take the exit". Blah boring.)

I also can't cope with storing them. For example. We have a case full of an SLR camera with a hundred different lenses and assorted accessories that I'm not allowed to throw away. It is heavy, clunky, uses a film that probably isn't even made anymore and even the Smithsonian wouldn't be interested in it. But it is his and it was cool once and does he complain about the 3000 books piled in the cupboard where rational people keep food? Whatever. Keep the damn camera. Can I throw away the Commodore 64 at least? Hell no. That's a classic, it could be worth something one day. The 15 motherboards and other weird green bumpy things? No. Gerrof.

The spinoff of the gadget obsession is that he extends it to everyone else. For example. I have a breadmaker. A doughnut maker. An ice-cream maker. A steamer. If it comes with a plug, I have it. I don't want it. I could do with the cupboard space to put my tinned food (pantry full of books). Please don't buy me anymore.

However, he told me to ask so... does anyone have one of those 3 second kettles, and if so what do you think?

If anyone answers that question in any positive way I swear I will un-friend you.

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