Saturday, 15 November 2008


Run. Run for your lives! There is yellow quarantine tape around my house, and we have started to ring bells on the infrequent occasions we try to leave. Of course, we aren't actually allowed to leave anymore, since the nice men in the helmets and white suits won't let us.

Oh okay, I exaggerate. We are sick though. Thing Two woke with a sore throat on Wednesday and by mid-afternoon was pale, tired, lethargic and - oh, look inside her mouth! - suffering with white spots in her throat. Tonsillitis. Took her to the doc who said "Oh I remember you, I saw you last week about your arm. Was I right? Is it broken?" Thing Two listlessly waves her cast at the doctor, which is taken to be a threat since she promptly jumps up and bustles out to fetch penicillin.

Thursday, The babe woke up croaking and unhappy. She pointed in her mouth. "Hurts, mummy". Oh no. Luckily, no white spots and hers has developed into a full blown cold. The kind where the snot runs constantly and if you try and lie down you swallow it and then throw up but there's no point lying down because you can't sleep anyway and if you can't sleep then by damn no-one else will sleep and don't even think of changing your clothes because I'm going to wipe my nose on you and then I'm going to refuse all foods except possibly a lightly scrambled Dodo egg mmm yes that sounds good make me that mummy now I'm hungry and don't palm me off with a hen's egg because I'm sick and I won't be reasonable and I will scream and scream until I'm sick and oh my god did you ever see so much snot in your life and and and and.....

Friday morning, Thing One wakes up, takes a look around her, and packs a bag.

Himself has a lump in a place that he would rather I didn't discuss with the world at large. So I shan't discuss his lumpy privates in public. His privates will thank me for keeping them private then. And you won't know anything about his privates because they are private. Is the word private starting to look weird to you?

Ya'll know about my hospital trip so I shan't belabour that. Suffice to say bit crampy and itchy still. And my mouth still hurts, but now I have a reason to go relax in the dental chair so it's all good. Apart from lying sobbing on the floor at 4.30am that goddamn I am so tired why won't this child just blow her nose and sleeeeeeep, I'm actually doing okay.

And Thing One? Haven't actually seen her since Friday morning. She is staying at a friend's until the Hazmat unit drives away. And thus, the contamination secretly escapes control and seeps into the general public...

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