You brag that your toddler can do such-and-such a trick and they always then refuse to do it. They aren't performing monkeys after all. You write what you think is a sweet yet clear-eyed picture of your children, written - you hope - with wit and love - and what happens next? Yeah. They bite back. Story time, folks, pull up a chair!
Back story: Thing One took her coat to school on the first day of school, stuffed it in her locker and I haven't seen it since - despite countless requests to wear it on the rainy cold days or at least bring it home for a wash.
Conversation this morning.
Me (M) = Well, me actually
Her (H) = Thing One
M: Cold today!
H: I'm freezing.
M: Well I keep on asking you to bring your coat home.
H: I can't get to it, my locker is too far away.
M: Well I don't actually care, I want you to bring your coat home.
H: But if I go to get it after class I'll miss my bus home.
M: So get it at break!
H: No it's dorky.
M (quietly beginning to steam): Just bring your coat home today please!
H: I don't want to.
M: Bring it home or you are grounded.
H: So I'm grounded. Big whoop.
M: Thing!! You're making me cross. Bring your coat home or I will come into school and get it!
H: I don't care - all my friends' parents are really embarrassing too.
M: BRING YOUR COAT HOME
H: What's my "or"?
M: There is no OR. Bring your coat home and that is it.
So I built a time machine, went back 13 years and got sterilised. Hurrumph.
I knew that I had little or no chance of seeing the elusive coat after school so spent all day devising Machiavellian plots, eventually resigning myself to piling all the children in the car, driving to school and walking her and her sisters through the school corridors - loudly berating her at all times while encouraging The Babe to shriek for attention - all the way to the lockers. Bwah-ha-ha!
She, being occasionally sensible, brought her coat home.
I was actually a tad disappointed....