Wednesday, 2 July 2008

NSFW

I confuse the hell out of myself, you know. I have no idea what kind of person I am. I have a mouth like a sewer, yet I hate swearing. I want to have a family that is organised and effortless in the morning, yet I loll in bed until 7.47 (and thirty seconds. Seriously. I've timed how long it takes me to get ready and start roaring at the kids because we are late, and that is the latest I can loll for.)(God help me in September when Thing One has to leave the house by 7.30 to get to school for Far-Too-Bloody-Early o'clock every day.)(Yes 7.30 AM!!).

I am seriously anti-hunting, yet I own a gun shop (shut-up shut-up shut-up, they are all for hitting paper targets with). The other part of the shop sells fitness and health products, yet I am a size 20. Am curvy. It's puppy fat. Yes, at 36. Leave me alone.

I am the classic do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do mother. My children are not allowed to smoke, drink, take drugs, stay out past curfew, worry me, have boyfriends, skive from school or in any shape or form have a life. (Yes, my name is Pollyanna, and my children are perfect). (Leave me alone!).

Why am I telling you this? Well today I had a teeny tiny miniscule almost not worth mentioning little "peep" of road rage. Some stupid fracking idiot on a bike, high on something, wheeling all over the road, SMIRKED at me when I was trying to be nice and stay back away from him. Then he slowed down and stayed in the middle of the road (mostly... as I said, swaying a bit) so not a single other vehicle could get past him in either direction.

No I didn't run him over. I didn't even roll down the window and yell. But in my head, I thought a bad word. I thought he was a stupid... I can't say it. I can't even type it. I'll spell it out.. no, I can't! It was that bad one. That see you one day early next week one. I did. I thought that word at him.

And then I blushed.

I can't even THINK a bad word without embarrassing myself, for goodness sake.

I am a mass of contradictions.

I am woman. Hear me roar. Pathetically.

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