I write about my kids a lot, huh? I do have a life outside of snotty noses and snotty hormones, but it's just really boring; work, groceries, chores... Gawd, that's depressing. I'm sure I was supposed to be a rich heiress, a lady who lunches. Then my blog would be much more fun! I'd tell you about sitting next to Johnny Depp at lunch, and shagging him senseless in the loo. Sadly, my mother married the wrong husband and I didn't get the life I was supposed to have.
I never intended to be a "mommy blogger". I swear too much to be a good role model and I bribe the kids with chocolate and late nights just to leave me alone. I'm never going to win that Mother of The Year award, but I do get to sit on the computer and play word puzzles (note: I beat Katie yay!!).
I'm not the most fabulous of home-makers either. I'm very good at delegating, so everything gets done, just not by me. What? There is nothing wrong with teaching toddlers their colours by making them sort socks! I aspire to be Monica, but I am much more Waynetta. I should have staff... that would go with the heiress lifestyle that I want to be accustomed to. Of course, if I did have staff I'd end up doing far more housework that I do now, since my middle-class roots would kick in and I'd clean before they arrived so they didn't think I was a dirty slob. So maybe it's better that I don't.
So why am I a "mummy blogger"? Apart from the fact that Ally prodded me until I was forced to start. Is it because I feel the need to share my innate knowledge of child-rearing with you, Dear Reader? Am I the Guru of all child gurus?
Well I do have one tiny bit of wisdom: Figuring parenting out isn't hard. It's just scary. And really hard work. Go have a cuppa and a chocolate biscuit while you have the chance (and if you give a choccy biscuit to your toddler you'll get twice the peace. Ahh bribery)!