Hello world!! I'm going to pee now. C'mon, in you come. Girls, babe, honey... got the dog and cat? All here?
WHY can I never pee alone? Why is the bathroom seen as a communal room? Why are there constant knocks and scratches from children who have ignored me for hours but now must must must desperately see my face now, right now, mummy, where are you, whatcha doing, mummy??
Himself chunters because we invariably notice he is missing after 30 minutes solitude, and find him in the bathroom. 30 minutes would be a blessing. I can't even get up the stairs without The Babe screaming in desolation that I have abandoned her, even though as I sneaked away she was absorbed in pulling individual DVDs from the shelf and destroying them.
It isn't just the kids. The animals are almost as bad. The dog used to try and come in when he was a puppy, but he used to sit and STARE so he got banned to the hallway. The cat still hasn't learned, she likes being in there and will run up behind you if you try and go quietly - and even when you think you are safe, you go to close the door behind you and THUNK concuss the cat.
The cat is terrible at all bathroom habits. She also likes to prowl the edges of the bathtub for random mice that are hiding under the bubbles just as you lay back in the hot water. And it doesn't matter how hot the water is, I still spend the whole time frozen in fear in case she falls in- wet angry cat and naked skin are not a good combination.
I've taken to having baths very late at night. I tell people it is because it soothes the insomnia, but in reality it is the only chance I have to relax without random small bodies flinging off clothes and diving in with me. I'm not sure if the children think I have a secret slippery slip under the sink, or if the loo is a portal to another world, but I just know that sometimes, just once in a while, I just want to use the damn bathroom alone!