Poor Billy. Not a stalker-crazed fan, an electric one to wave the cool air around. Because, my poor man, you are going to Hell.
Not, I hasten to add, because of the cursing and blasphemy induced by any long term relationship with Microstuffed. "Oh God, the f'ing Blue screen of Death, NOOO!" No, not at all. It is, my poor chap, simply because you have accumulated a bob or two. And that, apparently, is now seen as a Mortal Sin as bad as Murder. You rotten man - your sins with Windoze have made you rank up there with Adolf in the view of the Catholic Church. Bad, bad man.
Of course, since obscene wealth is a sin, one assumes that the Vatican is going to distribute the odd priceless treasure it has accumulated? Dibs on the library!
Oh, and Mr Clinton. Not content with unleashing your wife on the voters, you possibly may have had the odd indiscretion that is also sending you someplace warm. No, not the infidelity, the lies, or any of those other passé, old-fashioned notions! It was the age old, did he inhale argument. Partaking of recreational drugs? Tut tut, bad boy. Straight to Hell with you, do not pass Purgatory, do not collect $200.
I have to admit to a certain smugness though. I always knew Pot Noodle belonged to the Devil! And their dalliance with genetically modified soya proves it! And those £50 fines for dropping a gum wrapper will be seen as positively lenient when compared to the punishment inflicted by the church.
Oh, and while there are some terrible, terrible sins, don't try and pin any of them upon the Church! Paedophile priests are "exaggerations by the mass media aimed at discrediting the Church".
It is interesting to contrast Girotti with the lovely Father Funes, a diplomat, a scientist, a philosopher and a credit to his calling. Of course, I happen to agree with Father Funes and disagree with Archbishop Girotti, but that has nothing to do with my bias - uh, point of view. I've always been of the opinion that God is too loving to have created just a single inhabited planet, so ETs are - in my view - entirely possible. Even if they haven't visited us and stuck probes up our bottoms.
Archbishop Girotti isn't in line for the Papacy, and now the poor man has had his urge to Confession backfire so badly, he will probably never be. Talk about shooting one's self in the foot. Assuming shooting that end isn't a Mortal sin?