You know those old cartoons, with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? I have those. They get loud sometimes.
Take one night last week...
(Insert expensive wavy special effect as we fade...)
The Babe was ill. Gastroenteritis and other assorted goodies. I've mentioned before that any small illness heats her inner core, so it shouldn't shock you too much to find out her temperature topped 41.3c, oh my! The first night, I put her in my bed, since she wasn't sleeping, just lethargically crying and whimpering. At one point I dozed off, waking to find her missing, I panicked! Patting the mattress I found she was sleeping along the headboard, head on Daddy's pillow, bottom and legs against mine. Cute. Not. I did mention the gastro, didn't I?
3.30am, I was woken by some loud raspberry sounds and a whiff of something
nasty about 2 inches from my nostrils. Which prompted those shoulder passengers to drop by.
No, she needs checking
But it might just be bottom burps, you don't know.
Exactly, you don't know, so open your eyes and check
More sounds accompanied by the odours from the Sulphuric Pits of Hell.
Oooo, home sweet home!
See, it's just so gross, ignore it, pretend to be asleep.
She'll get a nappy rash.
She might not.
Just prod Himself to wake up.
No, he's tired, he's been working long days recently.
But *I'm* tired too.
He has to get up at 6, you don't.
Oh this is so unfair.
Right I'm up.
So, I changed her, and yes, it was disgusting. (Aren't you glad, Dear
Reader, that I don't hesitate to share even the intimate contents of The
Babe's nappies with you??) Settled her. Got her back to sleep.
40 minutes later, the sounds - and oh dear God the smells - started up
again. Along with a muffled scream and rustling sounds as a small red 'toon imp
stuffed a small white 'toon imp into a sack headfirst with a surly "No bloody
Fortunately for child welfare, The Babe seems to be telepathic, she must
have heard the point blank refusal in my mind, so she sat up, leaned over to
hug me and threw up in my hair.
Fine, I'm up!!