Saturday, 29 March 2008


Question: What does it mean when you have been out for breakfast, opened all your Easter eggs, cleaned the floors, thrown a load of laundry on, peeled the spuds, washed the chicken, prepared the stuffing, rubbed the crumble topping, checked your email, checked your fave sites for updates, read the Sunday papers and it is still 9am?

Answer: It means your ruddy children got you up way too dangity early, grrrr!

How come on a school day you yell and scream and end up going to the shed to fetch a shovel to dig them out of their pits, but when there is a sniff of a lie-in available they are up at the crack of dawn? Add the prospect of a gift (Christmas) or a sniff of chocolate (Easter) and the crack of dawn is an unobtainable dream. While the moon is still in the sky you suddenly jolt awake because there is a face about 2 inches away from yours, whispering "Mum, you awake yet? Mum? MUM? Is it time to get up yet?" You can't see the face, it is still dark, but you already know there is no prospect at all of sending them back to bed, and internally your heart breaks for your shattered night, but you plaster a smile on while kicking Himself under the covers and hissing "YOUR children are up".

It's genetic I think, although not from me or even Himself. Bet you can't guess which member of my family had the up-at-dawn gene built-in?? Oh yeah, Sister, that's right. Worse, both sisters did it. Each Christmas Eve or Easter Saturday or Birthday or night before a holiday or indeed any special occasion they'd be whispering and giggling until the small hours, keeping me awake (since we usually all piled in together on these nights, no idea why), then they were up giggling and rustling and making me get up... I don't know why they did this, the presents or eggs would always wait a few hours, they weren't GOING anywhere! They called me a grump, but that's just because they were jealous that I had the sensible gene and was happy to lie in bed.

Even when they left home, they competed to call each other as early as humanly possible on special days, bragging about how long they'd been up, and how they had woken their kids up (were they mad??).

And now, they have passed this insane up-at-dawn gene down to my kids. And I still need my ten or twelve hours a night. It is so not fair!

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