Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Mother's Day

There are two basic rules to make a Happy Mother's Day.
1) Your mum says don't make a fuss, don't waste your money.
2) If you fail to make a fuss and waste your money you will be laid with the biggest guilt trip ever.

My mother is the QUEEN of guilt trips. Once, as a teen and working as a waitress to supplement my meager student income, I laughingly presented her with a bill for the endless cups of tea I made her. It was just some nonsense about "cup of tea 50p" all made out as if it were a real café bill. I still have her reply. She made me a café bill with:
Nine months carrying, stretch marks and pain - no charge
3 hours labour, exrutiating pain and agony - no charge
18 years love, devotion and support - no charge

Aarrgghhhh. Guilt city... Nicely played, Mum. I'll go put the kettle on again, should I?

I missed my First Ever Mother's Day actually. Thing One decided not to come on her due
date... nor the next day, nor the next. Mother's Day was a full week later, and still no baby. She arrived the day after!! Typical. Even worse was the fact that Tiffany had her baby on the same day! I'd followed Eastenders avidly, since Tiff found out she was pregnant shortly after me, and we went through our pregnancies together. Of course, mine was planned and so I was watching the calendar with an eagle eye and knew within 24 hours of missing my period. Tiff got to shag Grant, and had a surprise, so she found out quite a few weeks after me. Lucky her. Grant, mmmmm. Sharon was a fool. Phil is just horrible, but Grant is dreamy.

Weirdly, I'm not all that keen on Ross Kemp.. I obviously don't just go for the "hah, in your dreams" crushes like Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom, I go straight for "impossibly unobtainable", like FICTIONAL characters. That is just typical of me really. Oh and can I just point out to Friend E, before she even thinks of winding me up for fancying Grant Mitchell: one word, hon. GAZZA. Let's not even start on that path shall we??

Where were we? Oh, Mother's Day. WILL you stop letting me get sidetracked, we'll be here all day!

I almost missed my next Mother's Day too. At the start of my marriage I made the mistake of buyng Himself's cards and gifts for him, for his family's birthdays, Christmases etc. So I bought myself a beautiful card "On Your First Mother's Day", with a picture of a baby's cradle on the front, and glitter everywhere and all pretty handmade features. A very special card. And I left it out for himself to sign, which he duly did. "To Mum, love Himself". And gave it *to his mother*. I got NOTHING. I was very upset, and he argued that I wasn't his mother so why should he get me anything. I HATE that argument. I don't understand it at all. I don't go to school, but I still take my children there, I facilitate their needs. I know I'm not his mother, but I am the mother of his children, and until they are able to earn money and go to a shop themselves he needs to provide them with the cash and facilitate their transport and choice of card - ie GO TO THE SHOP, TAKE YOUR CHILDREN AND BUY ME A DAMN CARD. There is a reason Father's Day comes after Mother's Day, you know - I will remember this and will re-use your arguments against you in June.

What did we just agree about you letting me get sidetracked? You are not upholding your end of the bargain at all, you know. It'll be your own fault if you are still here at tea-time.

This year, I am spending the day with MIL. Himself and MIL own a business together, and one of the premises is soon moving to a new building. MIL and myself (and Himself and the kids) are going to spend Mother's Day sorting out the office, packing up filing cabinets and emptying cupboards. Don't feel sorry for me, this was my idea. I thought to myself, what does MIL love best in the whole world? How can I make her happy on her special day? And the answer was, she loves her business and her grandchildren. So she'll be happy spending the day with both.

And then I thought to myself, what do *I* like best in the whole world? And the answer was, locking myself away in a quiet place while someone else looks after my children and I don't have to deal with them. So I'll be happy. Yay me!

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