Saturday, 29 March 2008

Jeans

OK today is a bad day. Today is one of the days that sends a thrill of fear through every woman in the world. Today I am going jeans shopping.

Aaaarrgghhhh!

I mentioned that following our gastro disturbances my jeans had loosened. I didn't tell you quite how loose they were. It was bad. I was cooking dinner Saturday night when I felt them creeping down past my hips. Annoyed, and busy, I used one finger to poke through the belt loops to yank them up while simultaneously draining boiling veg with my other hand. As I yanked the belt loop, either I was a little impatient or it was just shoddy workmanship (I'm voting the latter! I DON'T get that snappy, surely?) but the entire waistband parted company with the back of the jeans. Huge hole in my jeans, oh no!

(It says something about my family that Himself's first response to this - me with falling down jeans and a pot of boiled vegetables in my hands still - was to run and get a felt tip and draw a face on my exposed rump, then another on his finger and make the two faces "talk" to each other).

So today, I'm going jeans shopping. And I'm in a quandary. The other jeans were too big, so do I now buy a smaller size? Or do I do what I originally intended and eat LOADS of chocolate to make them fit again? Actually that one is a no-brainer, if I bought a smaller size the rest of my clothes wouldn't fit and I'd have to replace them all and The Budget would be cross, so chocolate and cream cakes and doritos with garlic dip, here I come! What?? It's a reason! Not a good reason, but what the hey.

Jeans shopping... ugh. Buying jeans is like a punishment for all the bad things you ever did, it's karma come to bite you in the ass. Your great BIG ass, that the jeans are exaggerating and making look a mile wide (well, my butt IS a mile wide, but I can blame the jeans). There are entire websites and magazine articles devoted to how to buy flattering jeans. It is a science, a skill, a knack that women acquire after years of study. Sadly I never acquired that skill, and I'm going to end up down at ASDA just buying anything in the right size, and I'll look like a hippo.. but at least I'll be comfortable.

At least, I'll be comfortable until I eat enough Easter eggs to make my jeans too tight again. But think what fun that will be...

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